


any way the wind blows

by WelcomeToTheBadlands



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark Side Rey, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grieving Rey, Jedi Academy AU, Jedi Ben Solo, Parallel Universes, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rey Needs A Hug, Time Travel, sort of fix it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22039690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WelcomeToTheBadlands/pseuds/WelcomeToTheBadlands
Summary: Wherever the young girl went, the Fates were close behind...__Rey is trying to grieve Ben. It's not going well.And then she's given an opportunity to save him, but it's risky.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 77





	1. prologue: anything to be free of this pain

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of a time travel / Parallel universe au, its the idea that the world between worlds is like a long hallway with a bunch of doors where you can open them and alternate timelines become the main timeline.

The desert makes it easy to forget. There’s so much sand and so much sun that just burns and Rey could pretend that she’s on Jakku again. Like nothing happened. She got a comm from Finn at least twice. She told him she didn’t want anyone to talk to her. She didn’t say why. She just needed to be alone and she couldn’t deal with anyone annoying her. Her solitude began. She would work around the charred remains of Luke’s old home. Become a different kind of scavenger than she was on Jakku.

It didn’t take long for Rey’s pain to begin as her self-imposed solitude dragged on. The desert was supposed to make you forget. Rey was supposed to return to her normal life. At night, she was desperate to sleep.

Sometimes she would reach out through the Force. “Be with me,” she would call out for Ben, but she would never hear him. She just sat around with this lifeless bond, wanting for him to come back to her.

He never did.

She wondered if she was doing something wrong, or if Ben was mad at her or something. She just wanted to see him, to just know that he was happy now. This would all be worth it if she knew that he was at least happy.

Instead she got this deadness in her soul that made it harder to get out of bed in the morning. She didn’t see an end to this in sight.

__

**Three Months Later**

Rey had done everything she could to keep herself busy. She had sent BB-8 back to Poe Dameron because something told her if the little droid stayed any longer, they would use the tracking information within it to be able to find her. She didn’t need anyone to be able to find her. She threw out the comm link that she had sent to Finn after the fourth message he had sent her, and she went about her life. She pretended not to remember everything else.

She left the planet to go back to the ruins of the Death Star to find the kyber crystal that once belonged to Ben, and then after two months of looking she found it. It took another month to heal it. “Don’t you think that you’re spending a little too much time with ghosts?” Luke had come to her after she had found it.

“Completely to be disrespectful sir,” She said, “but you are not one to be preaching about coping mechanisms to me. You have no right to.”

“She has a point,” Leia had whispered. Some days Leia’s ghost was completely silent. Other days she wouldn’t appear at all. She had been searching desperately for her son through the Force because she had left him once. She wanted to reunite with him, be with him, but it was as if the Force was hiding from him.

It was nearly four months before she woke up in the middle of the night screaming, the night terrors so vivid that she needed for somebody to hold her, but that wasn’t what she got. She was cold and lonely and she needed to get off this planet. A new force ghost appeared to her that night that wasn’t Leia or Luke. It was someone else that Rey had never seen before.

“You’re punishing yourself, aren’t you?” The woman said.

“Who are you?” She was very beautiful and very young, and also very sad.

“My name is Padme, Padme Amidala. I’m Ben’s grandmother,”

“Why didn’t you come to Ben in his time of need?” Rey asked, “Why are you only coming here now?” Her throat hurt and she was pretty sure that she was dehydrated from all the crying. Padme looked like she was going to cry.

“I’m not well versed in this Force stuff, not like his grandfather, not like my children.” She said. “But I’m here now, because I felt your sadness and pain and I wanted to try and help quell it. I don’t want you to suffer the same fate that I did.”

“And what was that fate?”

“I died of a broken heart,” Padme said, “and your heart is far worse than broken, if what I hear through the Force is correct.” Rey sat more upright in the bed. Dying of a broken heart. That sounded awful, but it was about right for what was happening right now.

“When one half of the dyad dies, the other living soul dies a much slower and painful death. Their soul dies. It’s easier to turn to the dark side if they continue to use that Force. And eventually, you will die, a lot younger than you are supposed to.”

“If I die young, that’s fine. At least I can be reunited with Ben, that’s what I want.”

“It’s not what the Force wants though, and it’s not what I want. I want more than anything for my grandchild to live a happy life with the girl that he loves. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Ben is dead, so even if you didn’t want that to happen, you weren’t there. Anakin wasn’t there. Not even Luke was there for his own nephew. I don’t see how there’s anything that you could change about that.”

“There is,” She said, “There’s a planet you can go to—but it’s hard to get there and it’s dangerous.” Why did Rey feel hope when she said that. Padme looked around. “I don’t know exactly how to explain this, but let me find someone who does.”

A second later she was gone, but another woman was there instead. “I heard that you needed some help,” The woman said. “Ahsoka Tano,” Rey wanted to tell her that she didn’t care, she just wanted to see Ben. “I heard that you want Ben Solo back, trust me. Everyone does, ever since he was gone the Force seems to be slowly crumbling in on itself, and none of us really know how to fix it except for this. Have you ever heard of the world between worlds?”

Rey nodded slowly, she remembered reading about it in the Jedi texts, but she didn’t think it would ever be of any importance because it was talked about like it wasn’t real. “It is a real place, my child.” The Jedi said, “and there’s an entrance on Mortis.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?”

“Because it’s dangerous,” She said, “the world between worlds is constantly in flux. And messing with time is often something that is undesirable. But in this case it is the only option. There is a door in the world between worlds which will allow you to go back in time. But now a way that is controlled, and not in a way where you will remember everything. If you go there, if you open that door, you will go all the way back. To the beginning, and this time you will be the one manipulated by the dark side, instead of Ben Solo.”

“Is there a chance that he will live longer this time? That he will get a happy ending?”

“Yes,”

“Then I’ll go there,” She said, “I’ll do whatever it takes, for him. For me. I’ll do anything to be free of this pain.”

“Okay,” Ahsoka said, “I will tell you how. Just remember that you must be prepared for anything, and you must only open the door with the red string. That is the one that changes fate. That is the one that you need.”

__

**_Wait for me, Ben. I’m coming for you._ **

__

Ahsoka was right. The world between worlds was an odd place, but Rey felt like she needed to be here. It was cold and unforgiving and odd, like there was too much of the Force located in this one place. But she liked it here more than she liked Tatooine. Which wasn’t saying much. Tatooine was a miserable place.

She felt like she had been walking forever, slugging through thick black water as she was searching. There were so many doors. So many whispers. Telling her to open them, but she remember what Ahsoka Tano had told her.

The door with the red string.

That was the one she needed to go back.

The passage of time within the World between worlds was on odd thing. Rey wondered how long she had been walking by the time that she found it. She felt like it had been a million years and only one second at the same time.

_Are you sure that you want to do this?_

_Yes. Desperately._

She opened the door and stepped through it.

__

**_Can we go back to the start?_ **

**__**

Ben Solo hadn’t really liked the idea of training to become a Jedi at first, but his parents included him on the conversation, and it would get him out of going to those boring political rallies that Leia went to all the time. “We’ll visit you all the time,” Leia said.

“Yeah, kid. Don’t worry. This will be great for you.” He had nodded and put on a brave face, and Leia, Han and Luke had all gone to the Jedi academy together. He had bid goodbye to his mother and father, and then had stayed behind with Luke.

“Don’t worry,” Luke told him, “this’ll be great.” Ben didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure how any of this would be great, but Luke excitedly talking about how training the next generation of the Force would be great for the galaxy was nice. He liked it when his uncle was happy.

“There are still some that are coming in,” Luke told him, “for their first years of training. Maybe you’ll get to meet some of them later. Right now, let’s set up your room.” They did and then Luke showed Ben to the mess hall to make sure that he got some food, talking about how this would be a great way to make new friends and all of that.

Ben wasn’t really sure he wanted any friends, or at least, not friends that were so loud.

It was like that for about a month. Studying, meditating, learning the basics that little kids learn while the older kids learned the interesting things.

It was a month in when he met her for the first time. He had heard the little girl’s screams when she landed on the planet. Had seen Luke run to go see what was going on. He heard the desperate cries of a child being separated from her parents, and then the screams stopped, and he didn’t think more of it. He wasn’t one of the crowd that had gathered around her in spectacle to see who she was or why she was crying so badly.

If anything, he just thought that would make anyone in that position feel a lot worse than they already did. It was another week until he met her. She had been trying to find a place to sit in the mess hall, to make friends with people. He could see her try and ten different places, being shunned by little children in their cliques before setting her eyes on Ben. She sat at the opposite end of the table from him and didn’t even try to talk.

Which was fine.

Ben wasn’t much for talking.

It was three weeks after that when they actually talked to each other, and he got a good look at her for the first time. Her eyes were hazel, but also managed to be dark and haunted at the same time. It was almost like she had been waiting millions of years for this one moment, and she wasn’t six or seven like she looked. They had snuck out of the class while everyone was meditating, and somehow had both managed to hide out together, despite the fact that neither of them had talked to each other before.

It was a little while before Ben said, “Hey. I’m Ben.” The girl blinked for a few seconds before the darkness in her eyes became something else. Excitement? Relief? Someone who wasn’t an instructor was finally talking to her.

“Rey.” She said.

“It’s nice to meet you, Rey.”


	2. Three Years

**_Year One_ **

Ben and Rey bonded quickly over the small time that they had known each other. Rey had gone from loud and friendly to sullen and withdrawn since she had gotten there, rarely ever smiling. When Ben was around though, she almost smiled. She almost laughed. Ben knew how sad she was, how awful she felt inside. How broken she felt in her heart and in her soul. It was weird, how he could almost feel this sort of energy coming from her.

He wasn’t sure quite how to explain it, but there was the shape of something there that his Force signature held on to. It was almost as if Rey felt _familiar._ Maybe this was why he could almost feel the pain that she felt too. He wished that he could take that pain away from her. Of course, he couldn’t.

Rey’s awakening happened a lot younger than anyone else. She had it six months into training. When it happened, it was traumatic. It had nearly torn apart her room, along with two other kids in it, and Luke couldn’t calm her down. Only Ben could. She was so scared, but there was something else in there.

Every Jedi elder except Luke voted to keep her in a hut isolated from everyone else. Ben had been pissed at his uncle when he heard it, going on for days and days about how Rey was being punished for something that she couldn’t control. Rey was the one that told him that fighting for her wasn’t worth it. She took it without another word.

Rey was quiet.

She stole some books from Tallie Vos, a teenaged student who had a passion for hoarding things that cost a lot of money. No one knew who stole them, but Rey would read through them at night, a candle by her side, out in a tent all by herself. She was only a kid and wasn’t very good at reading yet because her parents never taught her how to. But she taught herself how to read basic as she read the Jedi texts, and then started working on the other languages that she found in the few scripts that she had.

__

**_Year Two_ **

Ben was ten and Rey was eight. He had never gone through that phase that girls went through where he thought that boys were icky, instead he focused on his studies and stayed friends with Rey. He found out pretty quick that he didn’t like being around men or boys very much. He just liked being around Rey. Their friendship was a quiet one that didn’t really depend on either of them talking much, but there was an understanding.

Being around each other was comfortable in a way that Ben wasn’t comfortable with other people. There were so many things about Rey that just made him relax. All of those anger issues that he would feel as a result of puberty and being a ten-year-old boy would just stop whenever she was around.

He was just afraid of disappointing her. “She looks up to you,” Luke had told him one day. Ever since then, he hadn’t been able to get that out of his head. He needed to be good for her. Needed to make sure that he was the best friend that he could possibly be. So he was.

He snuck out with her at night and the two of them found a place to lie down and watch the stars that wasn’t dangerous and where they wouldn’t be caught. They had been doing that for months when one day Rey was quieter than she usually was about something. Ben felt like there was something wrong, he wasn’t sure what it was though. So he asked her, “Are you okay?” She started to cry. That was alarming, to say the least.

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Once he got her calmed down she started to talk, through sniffles and hiccups.

“I had a really bad nightmare,” She told him. Ben didn’t interrupt her, just grabbed her hand and squeezed, still laying down in the grass right next to her. “It’s been happening over and over again, for days and I can’t stop—it’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not stupid.” He said. “It’s not stupid. What happened in the nightmare?” She went quiet for a little bit as her cries died down.

“It was really dark,” She said, “and I think there was a storm or something because there was so much lightning. It was so bad that sometimes the place I was in would fill up with this light that really hurt my eyes. And in that dark place, there was a throne. It was really big and there was something on it. I don’t really know what it was but it looked like a really big shadow. It told me that my destiny—the Jedi would never accept me and that I was destined to fall to the dark side.” That made Ben sit up. Rey sat up with him. “It’s awful,”

“Oh, Rey.” He pulled her in for a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” He knew the answer already. He probably wouldn’t have told anyone what she had just told him, but Rey was Rey, and Ben wasn’t going to judge her.

“I was scared,” She sniffed.

“It’s okay,” He told her, “it’s okay. I’m sorry that that happened. I’m sorry that that’s still happening. Have you told Luke?” She shook her head no and they broke apart.

“Please don’t tell him, Ben. The Jedi elders already think that I’m dangerous and I don’t want to be put somewhere else. I want to stay here with you.”

“Okay,” He told her. “I won’t. But on one condition.” She stared up at him. Her hazel eyes wide and unblinking. “I want you to tell me when other things like this happen. Don’t keep it all bottled inside.”

“Because that’s the path to the Dark side?”

“No,” He told her, “because that would hurt you and I hate seeing you hurting.”

“Okay.” She got up, dusting off her pants. “I will.” Ben pushed himself up off the ground too, watching as she was about to turn back from towards her hut.

“Rey?” He called after her. She stopped and turned.

“Yes, Ben?”

“Don’t worry if the Jedi accept you or not.” He told her. “They’d be stupid not to. But the point is, I accept you. I think that you’re great. That’s all that matters right?”

“Right.”

__

**_Year Three_ **

****

Ben was eleven and Rey was nine years old. Ben was worried about her still being isolated, in her own hut far away from everyone else. Sometimes, he would sneak out at night with more blankets to make sure that she wasn’t cold. Rey would always give him this half smile and just stare at him in the most intense way possible. Ben didn’t know why but every time he did this, he would get glimpses of something bad. He wasn’t sure what, but it wasn’t just Rey’s force signature anymore. It was a different energy with so much weight that it could choke someone.

Ben shot up in height, but he was still awkward. A few girls tried to flirt with him though—Ben didn’t like any of them. “If you like one of them you should go out with them.” Rey said.

“I don’t like any of them, though.” Ben said. Ben could see out of the corner of his eye that Rey was smiling. He didn’t ask her why. Rey was nine years old and she didn’t act like any normal nine-year-old that Ben knew. She excelled through her classes and had arguments with the teachers about the force sometimes. Every time she had an argument, people would hear about it and Rey would get in trouble. So much so that people started to talk.

She and Luke had regular talks with each other that would make her go silent for days, and it would make her the perfect target for bullying. Ben wished he knew how to help her. She just kept going more inward on herself. He wished that he knew how to help.

“You okay?” He asked her one day.

“I hate this place,” She said. _Hate leads to the dark side._ Luke’s voice echoed in his head, Ben shook his head. Kids said that they hated a lot of things but that didn’t mean that they actually hated the thing that they weren’t talking about. “I hate it so much,” She sniffed. Ben caught up to her as she walked back to her hut.

“What happened?”

“I asked a question,” She said, “I asked a stupid question and apparently you’re not allowed to think for yourself because I got yelled at by the Instructor.”

“What was the question that you asked?”

“I asked what was so bad about the dark side,” She said, “like what actually made it bad? It seems like it could be useful in a fight. Still haven’t gotten an answer.” Ben felt something stir in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know what to say, but he definitely was not going to have the same response that the others did. “Why are you looking at me that way?” Rey asked.

Ben shook his head for a second, “It’s nothing. I just don’t know why adults can be so weird and dramatic. You didn’t do anything bad. Just asked a question.” Rey didn’t seem to believe what she just said, but she turned back around and let him continue to walk with her.


	3. in the dark, this is where i was born

Rey met Leia Organa and Han Solo when she was ten years old. Leia and Han came to visit more times than Ben could count, but whenever they came around Rey made herself scarce. Except for today. Today felt like a good day to Ben, and it must be for Rey too because when he told her that his parents were coming Rey stayed, asked him about his parents and if they were nice, and actually smiled.

“Yeah,” Ben said, “about as nice as parents are capable of being.” He snorted and then saw Rey’s face. He felt stupid. “Sorry. I mean—yeah they’re nice. Plus my mom’s wanted to meet you the past few times that she’s been here so—if you want to stay that would be really nice. Rey nodded and went back to the book that she was reading.

“What are you reading?” Ben asked, trying to pass the time.

“None of your business,” She snapped. Ben raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, are you okay?”

“M’fine,” There was more silence between the two of them.

__

Leia and Han loved Rey. Ben knew that they would, but Rey had still been nervous. She was always nervous when socializing with people, hugging at Ben’s side hard most of the time when she was forced into those sorts of situations. She let him go this time to go hug his mother and father, and then nervously approached and introduced herself to the senator and the smuggler.

“Hi, I’m Rey.” She was so nervous. People usually didn’t take well to her on the first time that she introduce herself, or at least, that’s what she thought. Leia and Han welcomed her with open arms though, talking about how it was so nice to finally meet her and embarrassing Ben with how Rey was a frequent topic of conversation whenever they came over.

It was the first time in a while that made Rey smile. They went off planet for a little bit and Leia let Rey try chocolate for the first time and braided her hair. Rey tried her best not to cry when that happened, wanted so bad to ask if she could come with them instead of staying at the Jedi Academy, but she didn’t. She also bonded with Han really easily.

They talked about ships and worked on the Falcon while Ben spent time with his mother.

She wished that this day would never end, but of course, good things never lasted.

__

Rey was thirteen years old and Ben was fifteen when they first got their Kyber crystals. Most of the elders tried to prevent Rey from getting her kyber crystal, but ultimately Luke decided to go against their wishes and let Rey come along on the mission with them. “Why are you letting me do this? The elders don’t trust me,”

“I trust you kid,” Luke said, “plus you’re further ahead in your training than Ben is. So, you’re going to need this.” Rey felt something warm in her heart when he said that. Finally, there was some approval that she had been hungering for all of her life. It was immediately undercut by a voice and a dark undercurrent. _He’s lying. He doesn’t trust you to be alone at the Academy without Ben or himself there._ She kept smiling when they got the ship ready.

Ben seemed pretty nervous too, but he just looked to Rey. “Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine,” Rey tried to muster a convincing enough tone to make sure that Ben didn’t worry. She could still see that he was worried though. “Are you okay?” She asked him.

He pursed his lips for a second and said, “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”

“You are.” Rey told him. “Plus, you’re the only student that can match me in sparring—so I think that you’re going to be just fine.” Ben gave her this smile that he only ever gave to her. It reminded her just how much her heart hurt for the boy in front of her. How sometimes she would look at him and wonder how a person could be so beautiful to look at that it hurt—no, these were dangerous thoughts. Ben deserved someone better than her.

Rey turned around and went into the ship without another word.

__

In the time since Rey had been in the Jedi academy, Luke and her had come to an understanding. Let her learn at her own pace, check her progress every once and a while, and don’t interfere with her time with Ben and she wouldn’t get as angry. She wouldn’t get as impulsive and reckless this way, wouldn’t be as much of a headache for him that way. Rey actually decided that he wasn’t half bad either. He let her rant and she thought that he didn’t judge her the way that the others did.

She thought that they had a good relationship starting to build up together. Rey really wanted to have a good relationship with him. She wanted to have a good relationship with everyone related to Ben. Because—well—Ben. She was really trying.

Really hard.

“I wouldn’t worry,” Luke told her as he piloted the ship. “Everything is going to be fine. I was nervous when I made my lightsaber too, but you are both ready for this. I know it.”

“Thank you, Master Luke.” Rey said. She snuck a glance at Ben who was still white knuckling his seat. Rey snuck her hand over to his, laying hers over his. He looked up over at her and she could see him blushing. Rey bit her lip, looking into his eyes. She tried that thing that she saw in the Jedi texts that she had stolen. Pushing good thoughts into Ben’s head, trying to relieve his anxiety.

For a second, he had this weird expression on his face like he had no idea what was happening. But then his shoulders relaxed, and he actually smiled at her, she took her hand away and sat back in her seat. Ben wasn’t nervous for the rest of the trip. Rey on the other hand—

__

Ilum.

They were on Ilum, and Rey felt like she was going to die. It was far too cold in this place, and everything was encased in ice. It was far too lonely. Even with all the coats in the world, she still felt way too cold. Ben told her that everything was going to be okay—but Rey who had never seen snow before couldn’t wait to get off this planet.

The biting cold wind pushed her forward off the ship and when they asked Luke if he was coming, he said that that would hinder both of their mission. They would have to do this on their own.

Rey gave Ben a nervous smile. “Good luck,” She told him. Then she headed off to where her destiny was pulling her without hearing anything that Ben would have to say. She really wished that she could be anywhere else but here, but there was something inside her that was pulling her to a cave that most would not go into, with sharp and jagged looking stalactites and stalagmites that almost looked like teeth. It looked like it could chew anyone up and spit them out as many times as they wanted.

This is where she was going to die. She could feel it as the cold set into her very bones. She wished that she could just tell herself that the whispering in her head wasn’t real. But she knew that it was. Knew that the shadows coming out from the walls of the cave were going to eat her alive as soon as she found what she was looking for.

_You can find strength in us. In this. There is power here. We can make sure that you are never scared again, but you have to let go of the light. Kill it, if you have to._ The voices whispered. _No Jedi will ever love you. You will never be accepted for what you are. Everyone hates you. Ben only tolerates you. You know this to be true. Luke is going to leave you on Ilum to die, weak and cold and alone._ Rey felt tears start to go to her eyes. _Weak, weak, weak. No wonder no one at the Jedi Academy likes you or wants to be your friend. You’re going to die here, cold and alone, without friends._ That was enough for her to break down.

“Stop it!” She shrieked in pain. “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” She fell to her knees, the pain of the impact skinning them through her pants. She could feel blood start to trickle down her knees and the pain was enough to quiet the voices in her head. She grimaced, getting up. Realizing exactly what she had done. Her screaming had unearthed two crystals.

And both of them were bleeding red.

__

Ben was starting to get concerned. It had taken him all of thirty minutes to find the white kyber crystal that called to him. Rey still wasn’t back on the ship. Luke looked like he was nervous too, but he didn’t say anything.

“We need to find her, it’s freezing. She could die.”

“It’s only been an hour.”

And then three hours passed by. They had started to look for her when the first hour past, and they couldn’t find her. Ben was panicking. Luke reminded him that panicking wouldn’t help, he retorted with, “Neither will telling me not to panic.” She could die of frost bite.

He should have gone with her.

That way if she was stuck somewhere, he could help her. He tried to reach out with the Force but he couldn’t feel her anywhere.

Ten hours had passed. They still hadn’t found her. They went back to the ship.

Ben changed into a pair of new snow boots and was getting ready to go back outside to find her when Luke told him to stay. “No,” He said, “I have to go find her!”

“Ben, nights on Ilum are so cold that human beings can’t—” Before he could finish his sentence, Ben ran off the ship. He needed to find Rey before it was too late. It turns out that he didn’t have to run far. She was shivering, walking very slowly and bundled up as well as she could be.

“Oh, my god.”

“Ben,”

“Rey—”

“I’m…so cold…” He picked her up without a second thought. Ben had always thought that Rey was too light and she still was. He ran back to the ship. It felt like such a long way in this snow, but he got her back onto the ship and immediately they got to treating her for hypothermia and any frost bite she might have. When she had all the cold stuff taken off her and new stuff put on, she fell asleep, two heating pads that Luke had on the ship used to bring her temperature up.

“Will she be okay?” Luke nodded.

“I should’ve—”  
  


“It’s okay, Ben. Really. You did everything that you could.” Ben still felt bad.

He stayed with Rey until she woke up in the morning. She wasn’t looking at him, there was this distant but embarrassed look in her eye. “Hey, you’re awake.”

“I feel bad.”

“I know,” He said. “Did you get a crystal?” She nodded.

“What color is it?”

“Purple,”

“Oh, cool.” That made sense. “Well, you’ll make your lightsaber later so…”

“Did you stay here all night with me?” He nodded.

“I was so worried.”

“Sorry,” She said. “I’m here now.”

“Yeah, I’m glad that you’re here now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Rey lied... slightly. 
> 
> Hope you like the chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a chapter...

Rey is dead.

Snoke made her promise that when she came to him—after everything. Her name is Kira, and she is his best protégé. Kira is the one that kills all of the Knights of Ren, providing her and some other students from Luke’s Academy safe passage.

There is a lot of blood on her hands.

She should feel guilty about it, but she doesn’t. She knew that it had good reason. Snoke promised her power. That the people that hurt her and didn’t trust her, the people that made her out to be a villain all of her life would pay for it.

Rey trains hard.

Every day.

Ten hours out of the day.

It’s hard to sleep. Hard to eat. But there’s a reason for it. There has to be a reason for it.

This time she trains for eleven hours today. There is something big coming. She can feel it. Her knuckles are raw and bloody by the end of the day. She wrapped her hands up in bandages and let the pain ground her. The pain was the only thing that she had left after all.

It will guide her.

__

**_Before_ **

****

_Rey doesn’t want to talk. She’s embarrassed and neither Luke nor Ben can get what happened out of her. Ben tried his best to be there for her every day. Then Rey said something that she had never said before. “I want space,” She said._

_“What?”_

_“It’s not that I don’t like having you as a friend,” Rey began, “it’s just that we’re too codependent on each other. I need room to breathe. I need to give you room to breathe because this isn’t working. Plus we all know what I’m surpassing you in training. So maybe we just take a breather from each other. Just for a little, okay?”_

_“Rey,”_

_“What?”_

_“What did I do? Did I do something wrong?” Rey pressed her lips together and shook her head no._

__

The wind curled and whipped around her in a way that made things bite. The darkness wrapped itself around her like an iron tight vice. She can feel it in her bones. There is something here, something that the First Order had been looking for. So, she waited with bated breath for what’s going to happen next.

Jakku is a place where no one should ever live. It’s too cold at night, sand everywhere. She pretended that the biting cold wasn’t there—as she always did. It’s better that way. The village is already starting to go up in flames. She knew who she was looking for.

A man, Lor San Tekka, said to have the last bit of the map to Luke Skywalker was here. The storm troopers began to round up the villagers as she waited. Something shook through her. Energy. The Force. It was waiting. She took Lor San Tekka’s life that day, and took one of the Resistance as a prisoner.

__

**_Before_ **

****

_There was something wrong with Rey, and Ben wasn’t sure what. She drew back after the day when she got her kyber crystals. Luke said that she didn’t want to build her lightsaber anymore. Ben tried to ask her why. She wouldn’t say. There were whispers about her parentage._

_That she’s a Palpatine._

_Ben says it isn’t true._

_People try to bully Rey all of the time._

_Ben is always there. He’s her light. She stays because of him. Gets up in the morning. It’s because of Ben, because of the trust that he offered her when no one else does._

_And then he isn’t enough._

_He isn’t enough._

__

Ben hadn’t always lived on Jakku, but for as long as he could remember, he had always been alone. These days, he just saved enough portions to survive, and hoped for a day where he could get off this ugly planet. That was going to take a long time, though. And it was probably too naïve of a dream to make plausible.

Still, he held on to it. It was the only way he could survive in the desert. Without it, there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning. Today, Ben was up early to scavenge parts. He felt that familiar hungriness in the pit of his stomach that he had gotten used to. It was only mild though, and he used it to push himself forward.

He had to keep pushing himself forward.

This was the only way. The sun beat down on him and Ben was glad he was covered. He really couldn’t deal with another sunburn. He had had too many.

Today Ben earned sixty portions. Despite the part being worth a hundred and forty the day before. He decided not to complain. He wasn’t looking for any trouble, anyway. He just wanted to keep his head low and do his job.

So he did.

He needed to.

Until he found a droid that needed help.

__

**_Before_ **

_“You have to tell me what’s wrong!” Ben shouted. Rey kept her eyes focused on the book that she been studying for way too long. She had read this book over and over again, she knew everything that it had to offer._

_“I don’t have to tell you anything about me if I don’t want to,” She said. She was too tired for this._

_“We had an agreement,”_

_She was starting to get angry. She didn’t want to fight with Ben she might have to if he kept acting like this. “Ben,” She sighed, “you want to know what’s wrong?”_

_“Yes,”_

_“You. You keep trying to see the best in me and it’s just going to get you burned someday. So, stop.”_

__

Kira can smell blood in the water before she’s attacked. She waited for the prisoner to wake up so she could question him.

His name is Poe Dameron.

He’s the Resistance’s best pilot.

Kira made sure not to break him too hard, but to take what she needed instead. The map is on a droid.

She’ll find it.


End file.
